Author: stinkerwriter

God in the Mess

 

hawaii-volcano-landscapeSome days I am simply amazed that God, the Creator of the Universe and all that is in it, wants to be in relationship with me, a finite, fallible human. Today is one of those days.

 

Before the Israelites entered the Promised Land, God foretold their future rebellion to Moses.

 

“Now therefore write this song, and teach it to the Israelites; put it in their mouths, in order that this song may be a witness for me against the Israelites. For when I have brought them into the land flowing with milk and honey, which I promised on oath to their ancestors, and they have eaten their fill and grown fat, they will turn to other gods and serve them, despising me and breaking my covenant. And when many terrible troubles come upon them, this song will confront them as a witness, because it will not be lost from the mouths of their descendants. For I know what they are inclined to do even now, before I have brought them into the land that I promised them on oath.” Deuteronomy 31:19-21

 

God knew their inclination to turn from him before they ever set foot in the land. He knew they would adopt the beliefs and practices of the people of the land, forsaking him. The interesting thing to me is that he let them enter the land anyway. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just leave them to die in the wilderness and find some other way to reveal himself to humans? Yes. God could easily have revealed himself without using humans. But the point is he didn’t. God chose to use fallible, whiny, selfish humans to carry out his purposes on earth.

 

Even though God knew the Israelites would ultimately rebel, he still allowed them to be a part of his plan for the salvation of humanity. The same is true for us. We will most definitely screw up and say the wrong thing or make bad decisions, but God is there even in the messes we make. In fact, he is in the business of making beauty out of our messes. I have found this to be true in my life, and we see this time and again in Scripture. Just read the list of people in Jesus’ ancestral tree. It is definitely not a list of saints.

 

Today I am grateful that I get to be a part of God’s story in spite of my imperfections (as hard as it is for this perfectionist to admit!). And the next time I feel like I’ve made a mess of things, I will take comfort in the long line of imperfect-mess makers God has used to carry out his plan in the world.

Dependency

praying-with-open-hands 

Dependency. The word conjures up a range of thoughts and emotions. Dependency on God is always something I was taught to do by my parents and something I have strived for throughout my life. However, my understanding of dependency has taken on a new meaning over the last six or seven years.

 

Six and half years ago Aaron and I were living in Colorado Springs, Colorado preparing to enter camp ministry. We had gotten married a few months before moving there, and we were looking for a job in the Christian camping world. We were in the process of interviewing for a job at a camp in Durango, CO, when God did the unthinkable. He sent us back to Texas to start Camp Machaceh and work with underprivileged youth in our home state. This was a shock to our mountain loving selves, but we knew we had no choice. To stay in Colorado would be disobedient. Within a few months we found ourselves back in the metroplex figuring out what it meant to start a nonprofit organization. Through my experience with Camp, I am constantly challenged to be dependent on God whether for donations, volunteers, or even weather. We have seen God do amazing things through the ministry, a testament to His power and provision. Through each stage of this ministry, I learn something new about dependency. Thus, I cannot help but wonder what it must have been like for the Israelites during their desert years.

 

The Israelites were dependent on God for everything, much to their chagrin at times. They relied on God for food and water. They relied on God’s protection from their enemies, and they even relied on His guidance as to when to travel and where to camp. In Numbers 9, we learn that on the day the tabernacle was set up, the LORD descended on it in the form of a cloud. This cloud remained there, appearing as fire by night and cloud by day. However, when the cloud lifted from over the tabernacle, the Israelites knew it was time to move to a new location, and they would set out travelling until the cloud settled in a new location. Verse 23 of Numbers 9 particularly struck me:

 

 “At the command of the LORD they would camp, and at the command of the LORD they would set out. They kept the charge of the LORD, at the command of the LORD by Moses.”

 

The Israelites had nothing apart from the LORD. If God had not been with them, guiding them, providing for them, they would have been left with nothing and would have most likely perished. This made me rethink dependency a bit. While I still think I have been dependent on God for many things in my life and for most all things regarding Camp Machaceh, I wonder, can I truly understand dependency unless I have relied on God for everything down to food, water, shelter, and clothing? Or is simply realizing that without the generosity of others I would be in a much different place a recognition of dependency?

Two Hebrew Midwives: A Lesson in Faith

lotr-covers I love a well-crafted story. Some of my favorites include Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, and Jane Austen’s Persuasion to name a few. What makes these stories great? For me it’s the character and plot development. There are no unnecessary characters or events. All characters and events have a role to play in the grand narrative. This is something I love about the Bible as well.  

In the first chapter of Exodus, we learn of the Israelites’ enslavement in Egypt. But “the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread” (v. 12) making the Egyptians increasingly dread and hate the Israelites. This eventually led to Pharaoh mandating the midwives to kill all Hebrew boys at birth. It is at this point that we meet Shiphrah and Puah, the Hebrew midwives.

 

Our record of their story is short and without flourish; however, they play an important role in Exodus. We are told in 1:17 that the midwives feared God and ignored Pharaoh’s command allowing the Hebrew boys to live. They stood firm to Pharaoh’s face a few verses later, and as a result God protected them and blessed them with families. Their actions allowed the Israelites to continue to multiply and strengthen, setting the stage for Moses’ birth and the actions of his mother and sister in chapter two.

 

I am also struck and challenged by the faith of these two women. Shiphrah and Puah courageously ignored Pharaoh’s commands. They feared God more than humans. If faced with a similar dilemma, would my faith be unwavering? God rewarded them for their faith, but sometimes the outcome is much different. We follow God rather than humans, and we end up in suffering. This is part of the journey and part of life. But through suffering, we learn something about ourselves, our faith, and our God. All this to say, Shiphrah and Puah did not ignore Pharaoh because they hoped God would reward them. Rather, they chose to do the right thing without knowing what would happen to them. And that is what I would call faith that can move mountains.

What a difference a year makes…

This time last year my life was turned upside down. We had just moved to Waco and were anxiously awaiting the first day of seminary. We had no job and had no idea what to expect. Then school started. It took an entire semester for me to get used to being in school again, and we still didn’t have jobs. In fact, we went through the whole year with nothing more than part-time-not-coming-close-to-paying-the-bills-jobs. This was NOT part of our plan for seminary. Aaron was supposed to find a job as a youth minister, and I was supposed to find a campus job. But instead, I had no job, and Aaron tutored athletes and took care of horses for the Baylor Equestrian team. Eventually, we gave up on finding a church job and decided we would just push through and try to finish seminary as quickly as possible so we could focus on Camp Machaceh again and move back to our family and friends in Dallas.

Fast forward to July. Aaron and I had the privilege of going to Sonlight Camp in Pagosa Springs, CO this year. Aaron was the speaker at a week of camp for middle schoolers. We had a blast! We saw God move in amazing ways, and He reminded us how much we love hanging out with teenagers. The desire to work with youth more than just in the summer was set ablaze again. But we had little time to think about it because we had one week to put the finishing touches on Camp Machaceh and head to camp. The week was absolutely insane! But between all the planning and pakcing, Aaron took the time to apply for 3 youth ministry positions in the Waco area. We heard back from all 3 the next day. Two days before we left for camp, we had an interview with one church. With everything that was going on, we barely had time to think about it!

A few days later while we were at camp, they called Aaron  to set up another interview for the following Sunday. We went back for that interview, and by the next afternoon, we had received an email informing Aaron that they wanted him to be their youth minister! In case you are keeping track, that was only 11 days after the initial interview!

Two Sundays ago Bosqueville Baptist Church voted  to hire Aaron as their youth minister. God is so faithful. He heard our cries. He knew the desire of our hearts to work with youth on a day to day basis. And He has blessed us immensely! We are so looking forward to working with the youth at BBC! God has brought us full circle, and the best part is that it was completely on His time table. Next time, I will try to be more patient! :o)

Enjoy these pics of our new church home! More to come…

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Waco hates my car.

Have I ever told you how Waco hates my car? When Aaron and I moved to Waco last August to go to seminary, I figured that we would have a difficult transition. I mean we left friends, family, a wonderful church, and a fun job all to go back to school after being out for nearly five years. Little did I know our transition would be easy when compared to that of my car.

It all started on moving day. As we neared our new home, I was overwhelmed by the smell of burning rubber. We had just driven through a construction zone, so I attributed the lingering smell to that. However, when I went to unload my car about an hour or so after arrival, it was filled with a putrid smoke. Ironically, my car was loaded down with all the items deemed either too valuable or too flammable to ride in the back of our big yellow truck. We started pulling things out of the car at breakneck speed and determined that our pillows were smoldering. Apperently, our pillows had shifted during the two hour drive, bumped the light on the grab bar, and turned it on. Side note: Those lights are the only thing I don’t like about my car. They get bumped on all the time, and they’ve even drained the battery on one occasion. However, this time the light got so hot that it melted the black trash bag our pillows were in and caught our pillows on fire. The header in my car was scorched, the light and grab bar were melted, two of our pillows were barely more than ashes, and everything (I mean everything) in the car was inundated with the putrid smoke. We had stuff sitting on our back porch airing out for days. Thank goodness for good insurance! My car was fixed and returned as good as new a few weeks later. But I couldn’t help but think, “Does Waco hate my car?”

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burned-pillows

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The same week we got my car back we were getting on the highway when a rather large bolt came raining down from the sky. We were on the entrance ramp and could do nothing to avoid it. BAM! Just like that we had a divet the size of a 50-cent piece in the windshield. Are you kidding me?! Waco must really hate my car…

After these two incidents, we managed to make it through the rest of our first semester without incident. But as we reached the halfway point in semester two, I started to get cocky. Waco didn’t really hate my car. That was just a figment of my imagination. I spoke too soon. After making a horrible noise for a couple days, the air conditioner went out. We got it fixed only to have it break again a month later. Two different parts broke at two seperate times. Grr. Waco hates my car.

Fast forward to Memorial Day. We had people coming over and Aaron was supposed to be home already. My phone chirped- text message from Aaron. “Hey it’s going to be a bit. I got rear ended. I am fine. Just waiting for the police.” What?! Waco, you’ve gone too far this time. Pillow fire=freak accident. Bolt hitting windshield=wrong place, wrong time. Air conditioner breaking=the car is 6 years old and has upwards of 90,000 miles on it; it was only a matter of time. But rear ending my car and my husband? That is just too much. This is all out war! Waco, please stop attacking my car. I don’t think I can take it anymore.

my-broken-car

Thus, I must conclude that Waco hates my car.

What’s in a name?

Names and name meanings are very important to me. Sometimes I spend my free time researching the meaning of various names. Thus, it should be no surprise that I often think about what to name our children one day. I even have a list on my computer with names that I like and their meanings. I really am a nerd. (Family, don’t get any ideas. I am currently going to school! We are not planning on kids in the near future.) Anyways, this brings me to my point/rant. Why do people give dogs people names? Growing up we had two dogs, Sunset & Midnight. I have never met a person named Sunset or Midnight. Why does this bother me, you ask? I have reached an age where most of my friends are married and having kids. And that has me thinking, “How would I feel if someone close to me decided to give their pet a name I really wanted to use as a name for a child? Would I still want to give my child that name?” Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think I could give my child that name knowing a pet he or she would encounter regularly had the same name. Now I know most of the world doesn’t agree with me, and I’m ok with that. I promise not to judge you if you give your dog (or cat) a people name (because I admit it, some of them are really cute). All I’m asking for is a little sensitivity for those of us to do care. 🙂

Sunset

Cute Sunset. I miss him. 🙁

Ouch!

So apparently, unbeknownst (yes I just used the word unbeknownst) to myself and my face, I decided that this is the year I am going to give myself a black eye. It’s only April, and already I’ve made two attempts.

Attempt #1

Back in February, I was sitting on the couch watching the Olympics when my phone rang. It was across the room. So naturally, I hopped up and ran towards it. But the little rubber grabbers on the bottom of my socks were defective. Before I knew it, my feet flew out from under me, and I fell face first into our concrete floor, catching myself with my cheekbone. Aaron thought I had knocked myself out, but turns out I am pretty hard-headed. So despite my best efforts to give myself a black eye, I escaped without even a bruise. (I’m still trying to figure that one out.)

Attempt #2

Yesterday morning. I was heading into our bathroom to get ready for church, when I spotted Aaron’s dirty socks on the floor. (The man leaves a sock trail all over the house. I’ve begged and pleaded to no avail. The socks and Aaron are winning.) So needless to say, I was annoyed that his socks were on the floor, but instead of getting mad and nagging him to pick them up, I decided to just do it myself. I bent down, picked them up, and then  attempted to go into our bathroom. But I forgot to tell my nose. The rest of my body managed to make it into the bathroom, but my nose tried to stay in the bedroom. All Aaron heard was a loud bang followed by screaming. I hit the side of my nose on the door frame. No blood, but an instant bruise. My nose is a bit tender this morning, but besides a red bump on the side of it, I once again appear to have escaped a black eye.

I guess I will have to try harder next time. 🙂

Sleep

A couple of weeks ago while we were reading Luke in one of our classes, we discussed the scene in the Garden of Gethsemane on the evening of Jesus’ betrayal and arrest. You know the one I’m talking about. Jesus and His disciples go to the garden after the Last Supper, and Jesus asks the disciples to pray. He kneels down a short distance from them and prays, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Yet when he returned to the disciples, they were sound asleep. Jesus would be crucified hours later, but the disciples were asleep!

This is not the only time the disciples fell asleep at an important time in Luke’s Gospel. A few chapters earlier, Peter, James, and John nearly missed Jesus’ transfiguration because they were “very sleepy” (Luke 9:32).

I would like to think that if I had been there with Jesus I would have stayed awake and prayed. But the reality is that I would have been the first one with z’s floating above my head.

I have an ongoing battle with sleep. I can get a full 7 hours of sleep and then sit down to read my Bible in the morning, and I can barely hold my eyes open. Yet if I check email, study for class, or watch the news in the morning I have no problems staying awake. It’s a maddening cycle. I long to spend time with God early in the morning before I do anything else, but I am lucky if I can get through reading one chapter in my Bible before my head starts nodding, much less spend much time praying.

Thus, I am no better than the disciples. Despite my best efforts, I fall asleep. I can picture Peter in the garden that night, “Must pray. Must…stay……..awa……….” I can just picture his face when he realized that once again Jesus caught him asleep. But that’s the beautiful thing about Jesus. No matter how many times we fall asleep, He patiently wakes us up and allows us to start anew.

So my battle with sleep continues. I am confident that one day I will overcome this obstacle, but until then, I will take solace in the fact that the disciples fell asleep with Jesus standing right there in front of them.

Peace & Grace,

What I learned in my first semester of seminary

It’s been a while. A long while since my first post. And much has happened since then. Mainly, Aaron and I have successfully completed our first semester of seminary. I thought it would be fun to document all that I learned in this first semester now that I actually have time to think again. So here it is: the top 10 things I learned in my first semester of seminary.

10. It is possible to read and write every day of the week and still not finish all of my homework.

9. Whether MLA or SBL format, footnotes and bibliographies are a pain in the you know what.

8. I’m not a huge fan of research papers. I feel like I’m just regurgitating information other people have already written down. My profs have books, can’t they read for themselves?

7. It is possible for me to write a paper in as little as an hour and a half.

6. Church history is fascinating, especially the stories of the martyrs during the times of persecution by the Romans. It’s truly by the hand of God that we have any semblance of the Church today.

5. Theology is frustrating but necessary.

4. It’s ok not to get 100s on everything, especially when it’s a theology class. At least that’s what Aaron keeps telling me. I haven’t decided if I believe him yet. 🙂

3. I can actually make it an entire month without washing clothes as long as I wash one load of underwear.

2. Everyone asks the question, “Why am I going to seminary?” at least once a week or so and even more often during times of stress like the night before a 15-page research paper is due. This is just a natural part of going to seminary.

1. I love Greek! There I said it.  I actually enjoy the challenge of learning a new alphabet and grammar. It’s like a puzzle. Aaron says this makes me a nerd, but I don’t care. (He also says aforementioned desire for perfection is a nerd symptom as well.)

There you have it. The top 10 things I have learned this semester. Despite the numerous ups and downs of my first semester of seminary, at the end of the day, I have really enjoyed being back in the classroom as a student, and I have been challenged in countless ways spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Now that finals are in the past, I am actually getting excited about next semester. Maybe I am a nerd at heart. 🙂

My Machaceh

A few weeks ago Aaron and I had the privilege of spending a few days in Santa Fe, NM. After a summer full of camp, moving, and preparing to go back to school we just needed a break. So we headed to the mountains.

When we started Camp Machaceh over four years ago, we set out to create a refuge for campers. A safe haven from the rest of the world where they could just be kids and have an opportunity to meet with God. But Camp Refuge just didn’t seem quite right. So we started looking for other words that mean refuge. We ran across the Hebrew word machaceh in Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Machaceh here is translated refuge, but it can also mean hope and trust. Machaceh. That’s what we try to provide to our campers. A place where they can learn to hope and to trust anew. A refuge from the cruel world in which so many of them live. Machaceh.

Which brings me to the reason we went to the mountains. You see, over the past four years or so, the mountains have become for me a machaceh. It was when we lived in the mountains that God laid the vision for Camp Machaceh on our hearts. It was to the mountains that we ran after that first incredibly difficult summer. So it only makes since that we would head to the mountains at this crossroads in our life. What is it about the mountains that draws me? I am reminded of the grandeur and majesty of God in the mountains. I am reminded of His provision and His sovereignty. I feel closer to Him. I go to the mountains to reinvigorate my relationship with God. And after almost three weeks of seminary, I understand why God drew me to His mountains once more. To prepare me for the journey before me. Seminary is going to challenge and stretch me. But He is still there, and He is the reason I am going back to school.

“The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” Matthew 9:37-38

All that to say, what is your machaceh? Where do you go to be rejuvenated in your relationship with God?

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